Friday, August 17, 2018
About 8 years ago though, that is when it would come in to play more often and stick around longer and longer, and was getting harder to curb it. Then, about 3 years ago, it came and didn't go away and I added in excessive spending.
8 years ago, specialty coffees were what I was drawn to. After the loss of our daughter at 17 weeks, miscarriage, I was still a classroom teacher. I would find myself by nap time running out the door as fast as I could. I would head to a Dunn Brothers nearby, get a coffee and sit there. Needing to convince myself to go back and finish the work day. It was my way of dealing with the grief I was facing. With time, things began to balance out again and I spent less time running away and dealing with emotions, as wells as spending less time getting coffee.
3 years ago, I was adjusting to a big change...well, several. We moved, we were getting ready for my youngest son's arrival, then there was the transition time with a newborn and 2 1/2 year old, then learning new rhythms and routines as they change so quickly as the kids grow. I didn't handle it well, not in the very least (at least from my perspective). I was dealing with post partum depression and anxiety, never feeling quite like I was enough, making too many mistakes, and an inner negative voice, as well as lack of sleep that goes with having kids.
I would find any excuse to swing through the drive thru and get a frappe just to get out of the house. Then, one little issue of something not going right I would find a way to make a stop while we were out. As time went by, it became more frequent, to the point where it was just habit. Then, just in this year, it amped up to a frappe or diet coke in the morning, then one in the afternoon.
I tried on and off to stop, flat out or use only for special occasions. But just like that container of fresh baked cookies on the counter, it made me want both more. Add in cookies galore, or mm or any other sweet treat by the handful as a quick fix instead dealing any emotional issue at hand, mine or the kids or behavior issues
So much so, it became a crutch. One I knew was and would always be there, could rely on to help me get through until the next downtime or quiet time.
It reminds me of my oldest in swim lessons needing to complete one more skill on his own to be able to move up, but he wouldn't go for it. Why? Because he had become so comfortable with his teacher and no matter how much encouragement she gave him to go for it, he knew that she would always be there and he didn't have to put in as much effort to attempt the skill. So, as a little extra push, they suggested we move him up to the next level anyways, to change up teachers to one he has swam with on occasion throughout the last year but not been his consistent teacher.
Sometimes we need something, big or little, to push us to our potential, to push us past our fear, to make us face what is truly in front of us.
When it comes down to it. I didn't want to deal my own emotions or had forgotten how. And I was way to connected to my kids' emotions on top of it all. Add in the fact that I, for whatever reason, would carry the emotions of those around me, well, I was a bit of a mess.
So I turned to food. Instead of dealing with the emotion, the behavior at hand, I just pushed down in and ate something or spent money.
Not the best way to move through the day, but at the time, it work or at least seemed to.
Move forward until early this year and I began to finally accept that some things needed to change, and that change, it had to be with me. I found my way, through finding me, and learning tools to face the emotions.
I am still a work in progress and still make mistakes, but I am getting further along in not falling into the emotional cycle of using food as a fix. If you have read my prior posts, you know that back in June I got a kick in the pants I needed to push me out of my comfort zone and break my habit of diet coke and frappes every day. I had gained a bunch of weight and my blood pressure was raised. It was enough to challenge myself to stop frappes and diet coke that day.
That wake up call was a catalyst that I needed to move forward, to learn to actually learn to deal with my emotions in a health way, to disconnect the emotions of those around me from me (because you know what? You are not their emotions). Why? Because on the day of my doctor appointment that I found out the health data, I gave up pop and frappes. I challenged myself to go until I had my recheck appointment 3 weeks later. When I found out things had gone back to normal and my weight was going down (keep in mind a bigger reason for that happening was because I went off birth control), and I saw how close I was to being 30 days without either, I knew I could make that push for the last week.
Now here I was, a few days into it, still thinking that I could do this, easily. While the first week was relatively easy, the next week wasn't. I still needed to face my own emotions. As I began to face mine, I began to be able to disconnect from other's emotions. I was able to find a grounding that I could come back to. I kept it simple. I focused my breathing in those tough moments. Then as I let myself feel the emotion, I began to wonder why I thought I needed that frappe or diet coke. If I was at home, I would write it out and let it go. If we were out and about, I had a necklace that has a special meaning that I would hold in my hand or rub my fingers on to help release the emotion.
As each week passed by, I found myself less and less interested in those sugary things and didn't need them as a crutch anymore. I find myself indulging less or going over the top in excess less. Sure, I have a sweet treat every now and then, but not as a fix for my emotions. For that, I still continue to breathe through it, feel it, let it go. If it lingers I take a moment to go back and think on it to see why it's still there. Not sure if it's related or not, but I don't find myself having those emotional swings as often and they don't seem as bad, but I do know they don't last as long.
I have begun to learn how to face my emotions, to deal with them in healthy ways. Is it always easy? No. Do I misstep? You bet. But I am starting where I am, stepping forward, and figuring it out. As I figure out how to better deal with my own emotions, I can help my kiddos face theirs and help them work through them better.
How about you, do you have a crutch you use to deal with emotions? Have you learned how to face them and deal with them in a healthy way?
Thursday, August 16, 2018
That picture on the top of the post, that is me, mid workout, getting my groove on dancing to get some good cardio in for the day.
When you dance, you find your groove, your rhythm. But that groove, that rhytum is something that you can take throughout your day, throughout all seasons of life, throughout all your roles and tasks.
It isn't always easy to find your own groove, to make the change, to step out. Sometimes we are given opporutnities that we set aside because it doesn't seem like now is the right time, or it would be ideal in another year from now, or we just don't feel ready.
But what if we step, even if we aren't ready? What if we follow our own rhythm? Our own groove?
Maybe that job offer that is a good opportunity is the right choice right now, despite being sooner than you thought. Maybe dancing is the best cardio workout for you because it releases stress and makes you feel good. Maybe that home business you started, is ready for you to step fully into it as your full time job. Maybe you fall flat on your face trying, but you still get up. Maybe what you are doing is different, not normal, but you know what, that is okay.
You are finding your groove.
What is your groove? Where do you need to find your groove?
Take that step. Say yes. Give it your best. Step out of your comfort zone.
Tuesday, August 14, 2018
Sunday, August 12, 2018
~This post was inspired by the recent work and theme that August is bringing in the Peace Circle group that I am in: Yes to Emerging, combined with a recent conversation I had with a good friend about finding your space, your grounding in this current season of life. ~
Space ~ giving space, asking for space, taking up space, personal space, outer space
Such a small word can have such a profound impact.
We teach our kids about personal space and the boundaries that go with that, making sure they ask to give a hug or fives, etc. I used to use a hula hoop in my classroom to teach kids about the idea of personal space. We learn to recognize space for what it is and what we need.
However as time goes by and we get older, sometimes we begin to forget about ourselves in relation to the space we need and loose sight of ourselves as who we are. Not who we were, but who we are. Right now, right here, in this moment, who we truly are.
We all take up space. That amount of space varies upon where we are in our lives, what need and want, what our heart is telling us, what our emotions are saying, what our inner voice is saying.
Do we try to lay down, open up, and let go of the control to let in the space we need? Nope, not always. Sometimes we still try to do it all without laying any thing down, or asking for help, or by letting all the "shoulds" (even they ones we know don't fit anymore) dictate, or over complicating things instead of just simplifying, or letting our own fear or anxiety interfere.
I have been there. Feeling lost as I added in new roles and not sure about, well about much of anything. Letting fear, anxiety, guilt, worry all wash over me, letting the negative inner self talk cycle take over. I have rarely felt I had a good understanding of who I was just as Liz. So adding in new roles like wife, mom of an angel baby, mom of one kid, mom of two kids all while still trying to figure out me, what I wanted to do, what I enjoyed.
I am just beginning to let myself take up the space I need, or deserve. Letting go of as many of the "shoulds" as I can that just don't fit with me, where I am at at this moment, where I want to head, that don't fit with my family. Lightening the load, so I can, well so I can lighten up. Simplify where I can, set up schedules that fit with our flow, and just let me be me. Adding in the things that make me feel grounded, that help me thrive so that I can offer the same for those around me. Facing the truths, adjusting perspectives, changing habits to find a better balance.
Where in your life do you need space? Think on all levels: physical, mental, emotional, spiritual. Mind, body, spirit. Where do you need space? What does that space need to look like? Feel like? What do you need to do, want to do to fill that space?
Let your you, you true you emerge. Let yourself find the grounding through the roots you create, feel the strength of your stem structure, and blossom.
You can blossom where ever you are in your life, just like this flower in the crack along the gutter in the street.
Friday, August 10, 2018
On June 28, 2018 I decided after my yearly doctor appointment to challenge myself to not drink pop, not drink frappes. To limit sugary drinks, using things like shakes and specialty coffees as special treats every now and then, To focus on drinking more water all days of the week and basic coffee with some honey and milk or tea every now and then throughout the week. I have found that sitting on my porch in morning, on weekends, having a cup of coffee has been a great way to start the day.
For some, this challenge doesn't seem like a big deal and should be easy. In the past, I would have a pop every now and then, frappe too. But it got to a point where I was having at least one pop, if not two a day and some days it was a pop and a frappe.
I was using it and spending the money as my emotional crutch to deal with my own emotions, the strong emotions that come off the kids sometimes, and dealing with some of the negative behavior choices the kids were tossing me every day as an excuse to stop and get a pop or a frappe. Come lunch, ordering take out for delivery became an all too often habit because then I could have lunch at nap time and get a pop as well.
I have given it up here and there, but only for a couple of weeks. Then something I would face brought me to cave.
But it had gotten out of control. It wasn't until my doctor appointment that I decided to challenge myself. With an overall goal of 30 days and finding little rewards for each week complete and something a little bigger for reaching the 30 days, I started with day one on June 28. I knew I could find the willpower and strength to make it to 3 weeks, when my recheck was. I wasn't sure where things would go after that point.
To be honest, the first week was hard. Because not only was I having to not turn to grabbing a pop or frappe, it was causing me to actually deal with the emotions I was facing in the moment. I learned how to face them, found a healthier balance, and began to be able to resist the temptation (even when we went out to eat).
Each day, each week got a little easier. When I got to my recheck date I knew I was loosing weight, but also found that my blood pressure returned to normal, I knew I could make it easily to the 30 days.
Well, July 27 was day 30. I made it and I can tell you how proud I am. I feel less desire for sugary drinks, sugary desserts, I am not even drawn to having a pop or frappe. I actually like a basic coffee, though I do put a little honey and a little whole milk in it. But I don't have a coffee every day, just usually on the weekends. I save the specialty coffees and shakes for special treats every now and then.
It is hard to give up something, but in the end there are sometimes so many more benefits to it than we realize. It is even harder when we are trying to break a habit. It takes a while to create a habit, so it takes a while to change it, but you have first be willing to make the change.
Oh, I almost forgot. I used a little check off sheet to keep track. I found it to help me and decorated a little here and there. But something kind of funny happened. I didn't give myself any rewards at the end of each week or as an overall reward. Why? Because I couldn't come up with non food ideas. Instead of figuring out some ideas, I kind of just forgot about it and then decided to give myself another challenge to try out...a no make up challenge. How that goes I will let you know in another post. But I began that one on July 19.
Have you given up pop or sugary drinks? Some other type of eating? What habit have you changed recently?
Thursday, August 9, 2018
I recently finished a great book by Jill Savage "Professionalizing Motherhood". She is an author of several great books filled with inspiration, wisdom, perspective changes, and really gets you thinking. She is an author, a speaker, and a blogger. I have read most of her books she has out and the ones I haven't read are on my list of to read.
Through the book we learn that we just feel inadequacies as a mom, as a parent, and just on the journey of motherhood in all stages sometimes. It is one of those things where try as we may, wish as we might, there really is no manually that comes with being a parent.
We make mistakes, we have many fails, we ask for forgiveness. We yell, we laugh, we cry, we just plain shake our heads. We want to make our house a home, not loose sight of ourselves, and want to be sure to be enough.
When you look at all other areas of jobs, there is a training period. As a parent, you are just kind of tossed in the role. You move up and get promoted when kids change age and change seasons. But it truly is a job that you never have enough training for, is ever changing, and is always there.
At some point, it feels, like society began to look down on woman who decided to stay home. But staying home is an important job in our society in raising our kids.
Staying home and raising kids is not an easy job and it is by no means taking the easy route. You are on call 24/7 365 days a year, for at least 18 years. Then your role changes as your kiddos begin to go off and create lives on their own.
Why not consider motherhood a profession? If you think about it, if you look at certain tasks at hand as being a part of the job, they begin to take the monotony out it. I know, doing laundry is boring and so is dishes, dealing with the same behavior that irritates you day in and day out takes its toll.
But hear me out. If you weave those tasks into daily living, along with teaching and guiding kiddos, and managing bits of self care things begin to change perspective a little.
I know, it doesn't pay in money. Sometimes the rewards of the seeds sown don't show until weeks, months, even years down the road and we can't always see past the end of this rough patch of behavior, we can still consider it a job. You are not just a mom.
Take a look at the book. It is an easy read, a quick read, with a lot of great insight and personal stories. It does weave god and faith in to parts of here and there, but even if that is not something you follow, you can still get some great insight from the book.
Tuesday, August 7, 2018
Friday, August 3, 2018
We all have a journey when it comes to this topic. We all have a story to share. I will be honest, when I first decided to write on this topic, I dug my heals in. I wasn't ready to write on it.
For many reasons and an excuse here or there, I didn't think at first I had anything to offer up by sharing my story, my journey. But then I was reminded that by sharing my story, my journey, someone else out there might be able to relate. They might be able to find their footing again and might give them the courage or inspiration or motivation to start their journey too. Where ever it may lead, even if different from mine.
Like I said, we all have a journey. We may cross paths with others on a similar one through out it, but we all have differences too. Where I start might be different than you. How you track your progress might be different. Your goals might be different than mine. We might be starting at different levels, different lifestyles, different body shapes. How I gain and loose weight may not be the same as you.
But through it all, there are some things that are the same. Through this journey I will share those things I learned about health, fitness, and diet that affect us all and I will also share from my journey what I have faced, done, where I have succeeded and failed.
The important thing in this all is to start where you are. Your end goal look and feel can be a part of your driving force and can be what fits with you, your habits, and your body.
Thursday, August 2, 2018
No, it's not nap time this time or the kids aren't in bed for the night. Hubby took the kids on a little adventure, just the three of them.
Oddly, what initially started out was my oldest and him going led to all three. When it came time, my oldest said no he didn't want to go, but my youngest asked if he could. Which, in itself, was a feat because lately it was mama only and he usually just wanted to stay home (and still go on adventures, but complain about wanting the other option). Once my oldest heard that his brother wanted to go, suddenly he was interested in going again :) Wonder why?
But nonetheless, all three went. It was just me. Well, me and two cats who were napping somewhere in the house as cats do during the day.
So many options at my fingertips of what I could do. Aside from use the other car, as hubby had the key with him. I had many choices. Of course, there was the to do list, the chores, the laundry, dinner prep, reading, writing, and so on. Hobbies and maintenance pretty much.
I needed to start a load of laundry, because, well lets face it, it is Summer and it needs to be done weekly in our house. At first, beyond laundry, my mind was running a mile a minute with "what can I get done with the kids gone for a couple of hours?"
The list just piled up, but then I realize, I have time set aside during the week weekly to accomplish certain tasks. But then my mind went to, well, we have two trips coming up we need to get ready for, have the house ready for, and so on.
But then I reminded myself, chores can usually wait. In fact, a lot can wait or get moved around because we some things often enough that it won't affect anything in the grand scheme of it all anyways.
So what did I do? I took some time to myself. I did the things I wanted to do. I chose to write, to be creative, to do me-be me. I filled up on my energy boosters and then I could fill up those around me as needed. It was relaxing, it was calm, it was quiet. Just what I needed.
Tuesday, July 31, 2018
Take a moment. Close your eyes. Breathe deeply. Let it out. Tell yourself...
~May I be filled with patience~
~May I have kind eyes~
~May I show others me~
May I be strong~
~May I be filled with faith~
~May I be consistent~
~May I be filled with calm~
~May I be peaceful and at ease~
~May I be filled with patience~
~May I have kind eyes~
~May I show others me~
May I be strong~
~May I be filled with faith~
~May I be consistent~
~May I be filled with calm~
~May I be peaceful and at ease~