Monday, March 10, 2014

Sitting at a Stoplight



Sitting at a stoplight, it finally hit me…this is where I am supposed to be, doing what I am supposed to be doing.  I’ve been struggling lately with who I am, what I am supposed to be doing that best utilizes the strengths and talents that God gave me, and where I am headed.  I haven’t been able to search deep into my heart, because I have been filled with so many different emotions that I can’t listen to my own inner voice, let alone clear out the foggy mind.  For whatever reason, while sitting at a stoplight things cleared, for a moment, and I began to understand a little bit better.

At that point in the week, I was feeling so many emotions, topped with exhaustion, and being overwhelmed I felt deflated.  You see, the week started out with my son refusing to nurse.  So after every attempt I had to pump, creating one more thing to add to the to do list.  While, in a way I thought, this might be a good thing maybe we are moving away from this whole nursing thing and have a little more freedom, I also felt discouraged because after ten months it could all just be done…just like that, without warning.  

Without warning, that brings me to the next thing.  We sold my car and upgraded to a minivan.  While I am excited about it now, the day it all happened just added even more to the mountain.  Now we were two days into no nursing, we were way past our little guys bedtime as we waited for all the stuff to be finalized for the car, I was saying goodbye to my first car (had it for 10 years) and as for me…I was just done for the day.  We’d been looking at getting a minivan and I had an inclining it would happen sooner rather than later, but I just wasn’t ready for the change right at that point.  But I have to say, I love my minivan.

This brings me to sitting at the stoplight when things finally began to make some sense.  I had come to terms with the fact that I may be done nursing, but that didn’t mean my son still couldn’t have breast milk.  It was just going to be in a sippy cup.  We were getting out of the house.  I was beginning to enjoy the new van and how it really will be a great benefit.   

While waiting for the green light, it hit me…this is where I am supposed to be.  I am a mom, to an amazing, energetic little guy who brings me such joy and laughter.  I am a wife, to a wonderful husband, who works so I can stay home, understands me better than anyone else, and is my best friend.  So there it is, I am a wife and mom, with a creative side that I express through photography, crafty projects, and writing.