It's been right in front of me all along and I have heard about it in many ways, many forms, and from many people. Busy is a relative term and busy for me may seem like nothing to you. I am trying to take the word busy out of my vocabulary and the feel of busy out of my life. Over the past few months there have been thoughts that have across my computer screen causing me to think. Not only to think, but really look at my life and make some decisions.
I recently came to the conclusion that I want to slow things down, be more present in my situation, move past some fears, and have some fun. I have an awesome hubby, a fun loving toddler, and live in an amazing city full of some wonderful opportunities. I can't bubble wrap my life any more than I can bubble wrap my toddler, who mind you is in the stage of "how many heart attacks can I give mommy in the next five minutes". And just like I can't helicopter around him, I shouldn't do it in my life.
There is multitasking and then there is mega multitasking. I consider mega multitasking to be doing more than three things at once, while being closely connected to technology, and having multiple forms of technology running at the same time. I have gotten good at the mega, too good that it began to create a fear. The fear? The fear of missing out or fomo to those in the technology and social media realm.
I had a fear of missing out on what was going on with my social media, with my family and home life, and all other activities I wanted to be a part of (some because I wanted to and some because I thought I should). The problem with this, I was still missing out. Somewhere and in some way, I was still missing out. I had to decide then what was the most important to me and what I really don't want to miss out on. Like, missing my toddler discovering something new while I felt the need to go back 1000 messages in a message conversation I was a part of. Deep down I knew I wouldn't catch up, nor did I want to. The only way for me to walk away was to leave the conversation.
In the long run, it has been one of the best decisions I have made in awhile. Not only did this fear arise in my social media outlets, but also into the daily home life stuff. I wanted to be a part of everything that just taking time for myself was even stressful.
Of course, it was stress I put onto my self. You see, in the 17 months that I have had my son I have only missed him going down for bed twice since he was (meaning I haven't not been home), I have missed half a day with him (thank you God for my parents offering to babysit him, but I was still an emotional mess. Not going to lie, that drink helped smooth things out a little bit), and have missed two full days (thank you God for my awesome hubby who let me do that) in all the months that have gone by. Sure, I've missed an hour or two here and there, but never have I been gone from before he woke until he was in bed. But I survived, so did he, and though my hubby aged three years and gained a few more gray hairs survived too.
I have been able to help push past some of these things by looking at the positives. My folks got to spend half a day just them with their grandson. My hubby got to have two full days of daddy and son time. I got to expand my horizons, learn a lot, and then learn even more. It has also helped that I have begun to be more intentional about my time and focus.
I am trying to slow down and take things in more. I am trying to clear out extra clutter in my life and in my body. I am shutting things off, walking away of things so I can walk towards where I really truly need to be. The art of slowing down. I may not be a snails pace, but I no longer at a gazelles pace either. Just finding the happy medium that works me and my family.