Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Your question, My Answer

October is a month filled with awareness and remembrance days.  A lot of us have been touched by cancer throughout our lives as we see it happen in loved ones and friends.  I know breast cancer awareness is a big one that is pumped through the entire month of October to the point where is shows in major league sports.  However, there is something else a lot of us have been touched by, whether it be in our own lives directly, through a family member, or friend.  Pregnancy and Infant loss.

Yes, I know, this taboo subject to many and a subject we shouldn't talk about is starting to break through the walls of silence.  What used to be taboo and kept silent is starting to make waves.  People from all around the world are sharing their stories, opening up their hearts, and helping others who are walking this similar path.  Today, I am going to break the silence as well.

Three years ago we faced and are still facing an experience that you never want to go through and really most of the time seems to come out of now where.  We lost our daughter Samantha.  If you want to get technical, it was at 17 weeks and it was a miscarriage.  I know some feel that it shouldn't be a big deal and that someone that small really was much of anything.  It was a miscarriage.  I can tell you today, that I still remember that dreadful day and every detail that goes with it.

It wasn't just a miscarriage, I delivered my daughter.  Sure, I may not have gone through hours of labor and delivered a living breathing being, but I did delivered my daughter.  She had ten fingers and ten toes.  You could see her cute little ears and nose.  Her hand, no bigger than my index finger.  She weighed in at 2.5 ounces.  She fit completely in my hand. She may have breathed outside in our world, but she danced and squirmed inside of me.  She brought life and taught me a lot about life.

I have met some amazing people on my path.  The further along I go, the more people I meet who have lost their little ones way to soon.  These people are courageous, strong, awesome parents.  Do I wish that I could hold my daughter in my arms, read to her at night, and chase her around the yard?  Every minute of every day.

I may not be able to do that with her, but I know I have a lot of family up there with her that can do that with her.  I also have a lot of friends who have little ones up there too that she can play chase with.  Down here, right in front of me, every day is another miracle.  My son.  So, while I get to hold him in my arms, read stories with him, and chase him around, God & family get to do that with our daughter.  No matter where your children are, how big they have gotten, who they are with you are still a mom and dad.