It is Winter in the Minnesota. We are closing in on the middle of it and the deepest part of the cold. However, for me, this not why I struggle during this time of the year. January, leading into February is a hard time for me filled with many emotions, what ifs, and trying to continue to move forward.
Four years ago we found out
we were pregnant. Pregnant with our first little one. We had just made
it through the joy of the holidays, only to be, how shall I say it...
only to be slapped in the face by life. We quickly found out that our
little one had Turner's Syndrome.
turned into finding out that our little one was no longer with us and no
longer had a heartbeat. We had only just found out we were pregnant
and now at 17 weeks we were finding out how to be parents, but with a
child that wouldn't be coming home with us.
our daughter Samantha was born. Yes, at 17 weeks she was born. I
delivered her into this world. And though she was no longer alive, she
stole our hearts and taught us a lot about life. The weeks to follow
were a complete blur.
Somewhere in the middle of it all
we tried to celebrate my birthday in the middle of having a funeral for
our daughter and dealing with having to buy a new furnace in the dead
of the coldest winter because ours was no longer functioning.
of a representation of life. The heat in our house not functioning and
neither was I. How does one celebrate a birthday of their own when,
for every birthday card you open you in turn open a sympathy card.
am not sure how I made it through those days, but somehow I managed.
And yes, even now I do still have hard days. I have just learned better
how to work through them. You can read more about that journey on my
other site: www.myinfantloss.com.
during this time of year I do a lot of reflection and evaluation. I
sit in the quiet. I take in the simple moments. I savor the slow. I try to remember. I continue to move forward.