Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Control ~ Letting Go


So a couple months ago my youngest got hit with a viral crud that left him throwing up all day long.  Then a couple days later it hit me and my oldest.  I've personally only had the flu two other times prior, once when I was four and once after we lost Samantha.  My oldest has not been much for being sick like this very often either.  So when it hit the three of us, I was down for the count and then some.

When my youngest got it, he was clung to me for the rest of the day.  Then while I had the run with it and my oldest too, he was stuck by my side for the day as well.  As much I don't like to be sick, especially while staying at someone else's house, I was relieved to have to go through this and have the extra hands of my parents to help out.

While I had one kiddo stuck to me, my parents entertained my oldest while my hubby helped tag team my youngest.  Then when I was sick, they entertained my youngest while my hubby helped my oldest and me out.  It was a humbling experience.

After going through it it made me realize that letting go of the control can lead to such a big impact.  You see, since having Samantha and losing her, i have a very hard time giving up the control...even when I didn't have it in the first place or when it wasn't mine to have.  When you really think about it, how much control do we truly have.  I know one thing for sure, I can control my thoughts, reactions, and my attitude.  But I can't control everything in life and nor should I.

But after having become a mom and loosing my daughter, when T came along I thought things had to be my way because it was better, they had to be just right.  I needed to have the control.  I didn't want to loose another child.  While I knew in my heart that Samantha was in God's good hands, he was the one in the control seat, I didn't want to face that again.  So, I went overboard on the control factor, trying to control as much as I could and had myself convinced that I probably had more control than I did in reality.

Add in another kiddo and the realization of things changing greatly made me begin to notice I was loosing control.  In reality, I probably didn't have the control like I thought and trying to control all just ended up, well, it ended up going to one extreme or the other.  Either I was a push over and gave in to easily or I was too hard and had to high of expectations.  Neither area was good and neither was the swing between the two.  I thought I could compensate with things like frappes, spending extra money when and where it didn't need to be spent, toys, and the like.

The time we were all sick, my plans had changed.  The one day my mom and I were supposed to go get pedicures.  Something I was looking forward to greatly.  But with my son being sick, I wasn't going anywhere.  Then on the day I was sick and my oldest as well, we were supposed to be headed back home.  No way were we going to get into a car for five hours.  I had to let everyone around help out because there was only so much I could do on my own.  I had to let it go.

Me getting sick made me realize that it doesn't always have to be me, or my way.  There are other ways that work and are good too.  By trusting and letting someone else have the control I can put focus and energy into other areas of my life. Like going on a date night with my hubby.  Which we got to do do for the first time since T was born.  Even better, I was able to let go of some of the guilt I  would feel not being the one to be there, but letting family watch over the kids and the kids getting extra grandparent time.

It's a hard thing to do.  While I do want to be there to tuck my kiddos into bed at night, read them stories, and do their prayers, I know that there are others who can do it once in awhile.  By letting others in, I can work on making my marriage strong, dig deep and discover my dreams, set some goals, and soar.

There are many facets to life.  All areas need time placed into them.  If we focus to heavily in one area, the others begin to falter.  Putting too much control into one area leaves an imbalance in the other areas.  Our kids need to see us, the need to see their extended family, they need to see there are lots of ways to accomplish tasks, they need to see what it's like to dream and make those dreams come true, they need to have time to themselves.  They learn through us.  Through all our successes and failures, they learn. They need to know that there are some things that they can control and there are some things they can't.  They need to learn to trust.

We as parents need to learn to let go of the control.  Divide and conquer.